Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
