did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
