Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
