where does the pee come out of this thing
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
