you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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