when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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