Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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