just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
