remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
