Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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