i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
