Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
