I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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