He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
