I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
