hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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