Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
