he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
