The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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