She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
