Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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