Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
