Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
