If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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