My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
