i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
