Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
