I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
