Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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