you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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