Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
