I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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