So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
