Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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