You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
