Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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