if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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