It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
