You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
