Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
