I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
