I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
