When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
