my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
