Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
