its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
