hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize