Only a mothe r could love this liver
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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