one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
