Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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