how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
