peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
