I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i dont even know how to be here
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
