As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
