The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
