we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
