I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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