tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
this is an emotional support booty call
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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