I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
