I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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