Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
