i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
