Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
