i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize