A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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