he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
