Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
