no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
